I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
