Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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