I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
time to smoke my breakfast
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
