btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
