EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
