I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
