This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
