Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
