I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
