hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He did a backflip because drugs
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