You're so nebulous sometimes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
