Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
