I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
