I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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