i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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