Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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