Soap is not a condiment
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
