Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
