Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
