I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
