Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
