I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
