I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
