This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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