i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
