My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
