yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
