You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
