She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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