I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
