Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
