Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
