blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
