This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
