Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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