Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You took a bar mat shot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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