So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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