I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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