True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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