maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
