I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
