My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
