Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
