i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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