I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
