I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
false alarm, still single
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
