The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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