My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
