Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm like, not good at living.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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