someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
