So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
