the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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