My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
