At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
