I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
