Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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